OP Fic: Alienation, Chapter 9
Title: Alienation
Rating: PG15 for language, violence
Pairing: LuccixKaku, KakuxOMC
Warning: Some spoilers for Water 7 and Enies Lobby.


AN: Sorry for the cliffhanger of a few days back. Hopefully this chapter will fulfill expectations! In a not-necessarily-very-amusing way...but the shit was bound to hit the fan sooner or later.





Chapter 9





A last turn of the pedals sent Kaku accelerating over the parking lot's speed bump and coasting into the bicycle shed right past the sign asking him to walk his wheels in sedately. The gathering rain clouds grew sulky as they watched him lock up his bike, sheltered from the soaking they'd been contemplating. Satisfied that he'd beaten the Vancouver weather for once, Kaku climbed the stairs three at a time rather than bother with the elevator. Some students had kept him late, and he was getting hungry.

"I'm back," he called out, walking in and dropping his backpack. He glanced quickly through the pile of mail on top of the shoe cupboard as he toed off his sneakers. "Yoshi?"

No answer. Yoshi was home; his laptop bag was in the middle of the way as per usual. Probably on the computer with the headphones on. Kaku flipped through the letters addressed to him: ads for credit cards cleverly disguised as real correspondence, a statement of account from Elis, a postcard from Australia sent by that guy he'd met this summer at the studio-

Kaku slowly looked up from the mail. Something...something had stirred instincts that hadn't seen much use this past year-and-some but had not been allowed to rust. Maybe it was just the absence of keyboard noises or the creak of a chair. And maybe it was nothing, he'd been wrong before. But he stayed alert, out of habit and because there was always the possibility that a criminal middleman called Chang might attempt to get back in touch with him one day...Kaku headed straight to the living room on silent feet.

Turning the doorknob quietly, he pushed the door open while staying out of firing range. Nobody in his line of sight, but he heard a quick indraw of breath from Yoshi. Kaku stepped in with one smooth movement, ready for anything.

Yoshi was sitting on the couch facing the door. He was staring at it, eyes wide enough to paint a circle of white around the pupils. Lucci was leaning one hip on the back of the couch with his hand on Yoshio's shoulder in a warning grip.

In the stunned moment that washed around Kaku like seawater, paralyzing him, the patter of letters falling to the hardwood floor sounded abnormally loud.

On the second try, he managed to say, "Lucci?"

Lucci stood up and walked around the couch, eyes not leaving Kaku. He was dressed in the black suit and white tie. No hat, but Hattori was perched on his shoulder, looking at Kaku with beady eyes, expression as inscrutable as his master's. It was a vision Kaku had had a hundred times, fantasies and dreams and wish fulfillment and a few nightmares...

"I thought I'd never see you again," were the first words that came out of Kaku's mouth, soft with simple wonder.

Lucci made a 'tsk' that sounded too annoyed to be anything other than put on, the inscrutable mask set aside; Lucci shook his head, dark locks sliding over his shoulder. "You very nearly did not. But you have the devil's own luck, as usual."

Kaku reached out as Lucci closed the distance between them, touching Lucci's forearm, dark cloth with power coiled beneath it; the fleeting touch to his wrist in return was as real as the room around them. Lucci's lips curved as if he found Kaku's obvious mental flails entertaining, while dark eyes sized him up, eyes that were always measuring, ever-ready, treating every inch of the world around them like a battlefield. Kaku had been like that once. He remembered. He'd thought he still was, though now that he saw the template, he wondered just how badly he'd lost himself and what it was that those dark eyes saw when they looked at him.

"Is Blueno here with you?" Lucci asked, loud enough to be heard over Hattori who had suddenly set up a carol of happy coos as he bobbed about on his master's shoulder.

"Blueno? No. He didn't come through the door. I think he was killed."

A frown twisted the line between Lucci's predator eyebrows as he reached up to Hattori, a finger soothing wing feathers. "We thought that might be the case. The door he left was...unusual."

"The door? The door was gone! I searched- I went back and looked so hard-"

A gesture interrupted him. "Later. We'll go into the details once we get you back to the other side. There's no immediate hurry though. I only just got here."

"Right. Right." Kaku's brain was producing words that didn't seem to go anywhere near his thought processes. Back? Back to the other side..."Did you have a good trip? Can I get you anything?"

Lucci looked cynically amused at the banalities, as he usually did - twenty one months and counting since Kaku had last seen Lucci but it was all coming back with the impact of a speeding truck, every intonation, every gesture..

"Do you have any water that doesn't taste like dog's piss?"

"Oh, of course. Stay here, I'll get it for you."

Letters scattered beneath his feet as Kaku headed towards the far side of the living room and the door to the kitchen. He walked past the sink, past the table where some take-out was getting cold, opened the fridge, grabbed a bottle of spring water, closed the door and sagged against its cold, white surface, forehead pressed against his forearm.

Lucci. Good god. The bottle was cold and wet as it touched his cheek. He wasn't dreaming. But he couldn't get a handle on this situation. Like a shipwrecked sailor who'd been talking to the birds for the last two years until he forgot how to address another human being...

And then an old voice he'd heard less and less these days reminded him that Lucci did not simply fall under the category of 'another human being'. This was Lucci, sharp as a knife and with no patience for weakness or bewilderment. Kaku could feel overwhelmed on his own time, right now he had to focus on the fact that Lucci had shown up out of nowhere and- oh god, Yoshi.

His lover's pale face and wide eyes flashed through his mind. Kaku buried his face in one hand, elbow still propped against the fridge's door, biting his lips over a groan. How long had Lucci been here? Yoshi hadn't been harmed physically, but if Lucci had wanted information, he would not have needed to lift a finger, and he could still pack one hell of a punch with just a few words and his presence alone; the man was an expert, after all. And with the sadistic whims of a cat at times, but that only really engaged when people measured up to him in Lucci's eyes, and however much he liked Yoshi, Kaku knew his lover didn't qualify on that scale. Once Lucci had gotten the requested information, he would have ignored Yoshio the same way he'd have ignored the cat who would be hiding in the smallest, darkest corner it could find right now. No, Lucci would not have laid a finger on Yoshi, leaving the younger man frightened and confused for the number of hours it'd taken Kaku to get home.

Younger man...? As a matter of fact, Yoshi and Lucci were the same age, thirty now. Kaku had never made the connection before; those two men in the living room were so radically different- but this was not the time for idle contemplation. Kaku's brain had revved up and was now running on all cylinders and then some, instincts and strategies and ingrained behaviors clicking into place.

Yoshi looked up from where he was still sitting frozen on the couch. Lucci was standing at the window observing the curve of the road below where streetlights were poking through the gathering darkness. Kaku spared Yoshi a quick, reassuring smile that did absolutely nothing to soothe his lover by the looks of it, before turning his concentration on Lucci as the latter turned around.

"Here you go. So, how did you find me?"

"You left us a message," Lucci said archly, studying the plastic bottle Kaku had tossed him.

Kaku walked over, took the bottle from him, opened the screwcap with a twist and handed it back. "Yes, I know I left you a message, thank you for reminding me. I meant, how did you figure how to get here?"

"With some difficulty. You could have left us better directions than which quarter of the city you lived in."

"I thought I was crazy to leave you anything at all. I thought I'd lost-" No, he couldn't go there. The emotions were too rough, too uncontrollable right now, and he needed control like a drowning man needed a lifesaver. "How did you find your way through the city?"

"Took me awhile," Lucci answered after taking a short swig from the bottle. "I had to ask for directions a few times to get to the right area, then I walked around, matching street signs to the numbers in your scribble."

"You asked? You don't speak the language."

"No." For the barest instant, Lucci's eyes flickered in Yoshi's direction. "I grabbed someone off the street who looked impressionable, showed them the address you'd left us, indicated I didn't speak their gibberish and waited. Eventually they pointed me in the right direction."

"I bet they did."

"I repeated the process until I'd triangulated this area. Then I just used my eyes."

"I see. Is it just you? I mean, are you alone?"

"Yes."

"Oh. Uh, are the others-"

"Later," Lucci repeated in his 'not in front of the civilians' voice.

"Okay...Are you hungry?"

Lucci shrugged, Hattori riding the movement without ruffling a single feather.

"Yoshi?" Kaku turned deliberately to his lover. "Do you think you could get us something to eat? Not the take-out, use the stuff I bought at the deli, the organic produce. Please?"

Yoshi had been staring at them. Being addressed made him start. He said nothing, but got to his feet and headed towards the kitchen like a robot. At least he was out of the room now.

Kaku turned back to find Lucci watching him.

"I see you met my friend," said Kaku.

"He speaks our language. Badly."

"Sort of. It's complicated."

"Yes. 'Japanese'. He explained somewhat. Rather meek, isn't he."

Kaku didn't answer that. "I speak the other language now, English. One of the other languages; there are hundreds. Also some very interesting technology. And weapons." That had the anticipated effect; Yoshio was relegated to the bottom of Lucci's list of interests. "I'm glad you didn't cause a ruckus to get here. Their guns can punch through sheet metal and put a dent in tempered steel."

"Tekkai?"

"Should keep you alive, but severely bruised, maybe even injured. You can stop giving me that inquisitive stare, you know; I managed not to get shot once in my two years here, so I can't say I've tested it out. They have bigger weapons, too. Here, this will interest you. It's the principal method of information gathering I used when I first arrived here." Kaku picked up the remote and switch on the TV. Lucci's eyes were immediately drawn to the shiny light and the noise and the movement.

"Go on, sit down a bit. Sounds like you've been walking for most of the day. Here, this is the way to control it. Hit these buttons to change channels-" Kaku surfed faster than ever before until he hit the news, and the sight of a tank rolling through the rubble of a house in some Middle Eastern town finished the job of riveting his colleague's attention. Lucci sank down on the edge of the chair behind him, narrow-eyed gaze on the sight, fingers wrapping absently around the remote Kaku had pressed into his hand.

"Feel free to change the show; all of it is interesting to get a feel for the culture and the technology. The only thing is, the tool to change the channels doesn't work too well if you point it the wrong way, or get too far from the TV. You have to stay at this distance for it to work. Okay? I'll come back and explain some of this in a bit, I just need to pop into the kitchen for a minute, see if Yoshi knows which food to use. You don't want the regular stuff they eat here, it's poison, took me months to get used to it." Kaku was already edging out of the room. Lucci appeared not to notice.

Yoshi was standing at the kitchen counter, staring at a head of lettuce as if he'd never seen one before.

"Hey," Kaku said softly, "you okay?"

After a second, his lover lifted his head and gave Kaku pretty much the same look as the lettuce. "Huh?"

"Are you okay?" Of course he wasn't okay. "I'm sorry if he was a bit, um, brusque with you. Lucci is in unknown territory, and that makes him a little...intense right now." He can be quite charming when he's worming his way into someone's inner circle with the intention of killing them, were the words Kaku was definitely not going to add at this point.

"You said the door was closed." Yoshi's voice was flat, as if he was barely listening to his own words. He tensed away as Kaku tried to touch his shoulder. Kaku let his hand fall again.

"That's what I thought. I was sure of it." Kaku studied eyes which were wide and searching; there was pain there, a fear and confusion Kaku wasn't sure he understood. Hell, what did Lucci do? He normally wasn't this heavy-handed, not without good reason. "I still don't know how he made it here. It...seems they opened the door on his side. After nearly two years. Did he scare you? I'm sorry. As I said, he's-"

"It's not true." Yoshio's eyes were flickering over Kaku's features faster and faster, but flinching away from meeting his gaze.

"What is?"

"What he said. It's not true."

Oh dear. "What did he say? I'm sorry if he got a bit, um, well, once he realized you spoke his language, he would have thought it urgent to get information-"

"You're not a- a killer. You wouldn't hurt anyone- would you? No, no you're not, he's lying."

The fridge clicked and hummed. In the living room, the TV channel changed to some ads. And deep inside, Kaku had gone dead cold. No. No, Lucci hadn't- he wouldn't-...no, no no no.

"He said-"

The veneer of hysteria in Yoshio's voice was muffled by a palm over his mouth. "Shh."

Yoshio stared at him, and tried to pull at his wrist. Kaku made shh again, without voicing it, and carefully lifted his hand away, speaking quietly as he did so. "Calm down. You must have misunderstood, or else he used the wrong word, he doesn't speak real Japanese, remember."

"He said that you worked for the government and that you'd killed people," Yoshi shot back in a muted, troubled hiss.

Shit. Shit. "No, he exaggerated, he does that. I told you I was a sort of policeman, that implies a certain degree of-"

"-he asked me three times to tell him everything you ever told me - and if I'd ever heard you mention the words CP9 and- hm-mm!" Yoshio tried to wrench his head away from the muffling hand while Kaku set up a chorus of swearwords ringing in his mind.

Kaku kept his voice blithe and low; it sounded as fake as a billboard smile even to his own ears. "No, there's been a miscommunication and he didn't bother to clear it up. He's like that, I'm afraid. Shh, shhh, it's okay, I'm taking my hand away, just don't shout. Listen, I think it'd be better all around if you left us alone, just for a little while, I need to talk to him and you, well, it might be best if you-"

He didn't know if it was his tone that clued Yoshi in, or if his lover just knew him too well by now. "Huh? You want me to leave? Why- wh- are you afraid he's going to hurt me?!"

"No, no, of course not," though I am rather concerned that he might kill you, that's what we do to people who have heard the name CP9- Kaku mentally throttled that line of thought and maneuvered Yoshi over to the far side of the kitchen.

Yoshi looked reassured for a couple of seconds, until he stared blankly at the car keys Kaku had pressed into his hand and then at the kitchen window Kaku was opening in as much silence as he could muster, and then his eyes went wide with shock. "You want me to leave through the fire escape?" he whispered hoarsely.

"Yes. Please, Yoshi, don't ask me why-" though his lover must have guessed now "-I just don't think it's good for you to stay here, I want you to go to Huang's- or a hotel, yes, a hotel, okay?" In the living room, the ads were replaced by a sport commentator excitedly telling the world about a good block. Oh excellent, hockey, maybe the one sport that would intrigue Lucci enough to stay glued to the screen just a little longer.

"But...can't we call the police?"

Kaku could barely keep his voice low and level at the thought of the ensuing mess. "No, they can't do anything against somebody like him, promise me you won't call them, that'd be- that'd be very bad, that'd make things very difficult."

Yoshi was staring at him. "What he said isn't true." He made it more of a statement than before, but the question was looming now, it was huge, an avalanche poised to thunder down on them. "You're not...some kind of..."

"No, Yoshi, of course not." Anything, say anything, just get him out of here. It was raining now, it'd cover the noise of the fire escape if the window was closed as long as Kaku rattled pans and kept talking. He just needed to give Yoshi a head start, Lucci didn't know the first thing about Vancouver, once Yoshi got into the car-

Yoshi opened his mouth to protest- and froze, eyes widening at a point over Kaku's shoulder.

Son of a bitch, I never even felt him move, thought Kaku as he turned around, a cold feeling crawling down his spine to die.

Lucci was leaning against the kitchen lintel. He met Kaku's gaze and, face expressionless, lifted his hand and pointed the remote loosely over his shoulder. A click. In the living room, the match gave way to bursts of canned laughter, obscenely inappropriate.

"Your device works better than you think," said Lucci without an ounce of inflection. "Isn't that nice to know."

Kaku turned to face him, keeping his stance easy, open. "Lucci, I can't believe how badly you scared Yoshio back there." His mouth was so dry he was afraid some of the words might stick, but in fact they came out smoothly and calmly with a faint veneer of perplexity. Full points for his acting ability, though at this stage Kaku wasn't even sure who he was trying to fool anymore. "Why on earth did you tell him all that bullshit?"

"To see if you had," Lucci answered. Neither the man nor the pigeon had blinked yet. Predator gaze.

"You made up a bunch of nonsense just to see what I'd told him? Why didn't you just ask him? Or me, for that matter? Sometimes I think you get a little too used to cross-questioning criminals instead of dealing with normal civilians."

Lucci didn't take the proffered line. He didn't say anything. Just took two slow steps into the kitchen. Kaku fought his instincts and stayed where he was. He was being way too jumpy; CP9's cloak of secrecy wasn't that absolute, and had no reason to be applied here, in a world which didn't know or care a fig about the World Government and its little philosophical shortcuts in the name of peace and justice. Lucci never killed without good reason, or what he thought was a good reason. He never told anyone about CP9 without good reason either, and the few times he had, death had followed - or the victims had been left in a burning mansion with the firm intention of them dying there, Strawhat intervention aside. Kaku had visions of his apartment set alight, flames roaring and gulping down the furniture, the bed, the curtains, Yoshi's body on the rug in the living room- but no, that'd be senseless. Even the cold and calculating side of Kaku, the assassin, couldn't see a reason to hurt Yoshio; there was no reason at all.

...He'd seen that look in Lucci's eyes before. The emotion behind it had no name, only context. Kaku had collapsed in a snow bank, exhausted and injured beyond his ability to go on in some remote region of the Grand Line years ago. His co-worker, partner, friend and lover had stopped, walked back, crouched beside him and said, voice straightforward and with that look on his face: "You have to keep going, I can't carry you." Not 'I won't', or 'I can't be bothered to'. I can't. I can't compromise the mission, I can't give you a break. I can't be that person and neither can you. Then Lucci had walked away, adding "We'll find some shelter once night falls" as if he had absolutely no doubt that Kaku would still be with him when it did. Kaku had staggered to his feet and lurched after him.

"I take it from his reaction that you told him nothing truly sensitive. And that he'd probably not understand what true justice is about even if you'd explained it," Lucci said, mildly.

"This is a different place, and let's not talk politics, okay?"

"I take it you didn't even start to tell him," Lucci continued as if Kaku hadn't opened his mouth. "About a lot of things."

"Lucci-"

"That's promising. That you remembered our standing orders. Other agents left this long without directives have, shall way say, forgotten their duty before. Of course, you do remember all our standing orders. Don't you?"

The rephrasing and the thrust of the question wasn't lost on Kaku who felt cold fear drip down his spine for Yoshi's sake and his own. "...You're the one who told him-...some cock and bull story about um, look, our job isn't- Yoshi is just a civilian, he has nothing to do with the WG, leave him alone."

The dark eyes flickered to Yoshi over Kaku's shoulder, a wry look. "I've left him alone most of the evening, but he didn't seem all that reassured. You're the one who panicked him, though, trying to smuggle him out of the kitchen. I don't know why you bothered, I'm not going to hurt him. He doesn't know enough to do any damage and he means nothing to me."

Right. That's what Kaku had concluded too. There was no reason to be worried as Lucci took a few more steps into the kitchen. But Kaku's body was tensing as though preparing for Tekkai, and his instincts, his old killer instincts, were telling him something he in no way wanted to hear...

"He means nothing to me. I won't hurt him," Lucci repeated, stopping three feet away, looking him straight in the eye.

He didn't put any particular stress on the 'I'. He didn't need to. 'You have to keep going, I can't carry you.'

And just like that, despite nearly two years of peace and tranquility and living the life of Karl Crandall...Despite that, Kaku remembered exactly why all those things were a lie.

The silence stretched for a few hollow heartbeats.

"I see," said a voice, his own; too hoarse. He cleared his throat. His face felt oddly numb and his breath sounded too loud.

He'd never kept a tally of the people he'd killed. He felt no particular pride in their numbers; most of them had not been a challenge. Besides, he'd get to count them one day.

He glanced over his shoulder, then turned to face Yoshio, pressed into windowsill, keys tinkling in his hand as he stared at the two men.

One day, when someone got him in his turn, he would face all his victims. He would do so without flinching, because he'd be able to tell them 'it was necessary'.

"Did you hear that, Yoshi? Did you understand what he said? He's not going to hurt you."

And for what cold comfort it would be to them, he could tell them that at least he'd been fair.

"I'm sorry we frightened you." Kaku held out his arms. "Here. Come here, love."

He'd never killed for pleasure. And he'd never spared anyone on a whim. Not even himself.

Yoshio stepped into his embrace, hiding between his arms.

And what mercy he had in him, he'd given to them all.

"There. Don't worry," Kaku whispered, a hand gently running over Yoshio's so-fine black hair in reassurance. Fingers coming to rest on the slight curve above the neck.

The mercy of making it quick.

There was a hand fastened on Kaku's wrist, pressing into the tendon to stop his fingers from closing. In his arms, Yoshio flinched.

Kaku looked up dazedly, up to Lucci, who was shaking his head just a fraction.

"Anyway, I was ordered not to harm anyone in this world, except in self-defense," Lucci added casually, as if nothing untoward had been about to happen.

Kaku had to go sit down at the kitchen counter. A part of him - an ancient aspect of his soul which two years had not, could not erase, because it was him, his cause, his beliefs, and besides there'd been too much blood...that part was reminding him that to show Lucci a weakness, a streak of emotionality would be something that his partner would make him pay for dearly later, but- fuck. Just...fuck. He rubbed his mouth with a shaking hand, fighting down nausea; Yoshio had followed him and was pressed against his other side. Kaku felt a faint stirring of weary resentment towards his lover for clinging, for being afraid, for making Kaku forget stuff, for being here, for trusting him...The weak, spiteful nature of the feeling disgusted him. Kaku got a stern hold of himself, patted Yoshio reassuringly on the shoulder and managed to fix a mild glare on Lucci instead of one set to 'hi broil'.

Lucci did a splendid job of not giving a damn about Kaku's dirty look. "I'm not all that hungry," he announced, turning towards the living room. "I'll go and sleep some. I've been up for twenty hours running. We'll talk some more tomorrow, when we're alone. There's time before we have to get back to the door."

"Right." Kaku's whole body felt stiff and artificial, a puppet; a pull of a string turned him towards Yoshio. "Do you want-"

"I'm not hungry either," Yoshio whispered, barely audible. "Do I still have to go...?"

"Not if you don't want to." Kaku wouldn’t blame him if he did.

Yoshio's gaze flitted towards the window, but he still clung to Kaku's hand. The world was suddenly a dangerous, senseless place, and despite what he'd learned and what he must have guessed, he still thought Kaku would defend him; he thought he was safe here, with Kaku. "I...I'll go to bed."

Through the open window came a wet, heavy breeze that filled the emptied kitchen with the smell of gutter trash and car exhaust until Kaku went to close it. Then he had a bite to eat because his body was demanding food, and because he didn't know what else to do or where else to go in his own apartment. It was shortly after ten. He was about to make do with a nap at the kitchen table, but then decided to go see if Yoshio had managed to fall asleep. Hattori was perched on the back of the couch like a sentinel when Kaku made his way through the living room; he did no more than glance that way.

His lover was awake, but made no move when Kaku padded in on soft feet. Kaku lay down on his side of the bed and waited, but Yoshio never turned around or spoke, or asked any question he'd be afraid of getting an answer to. The night seemed to stand still, hiding from tomorrow like the cat crouched beneath their bed with wide eyes cautious and unblinking fixed on the bedroom door separating them from the large open space of the living room.





Kaku got up silently as soon as he felt Lucci stir downstairs with the first grey minutes of dawn. Yoshio was dozing in a way that would not feel restful when he eventually awoke. Kaku left him to catch whatever sleep he could.

Lucci was in the bathroom, wiping his hands on a towel. "We have forty four more hours before we have to be at the gate," he said without preamble. "Show me around."

"Show you around what? The apartment? Vancouver? The continent? Planet earth?" After a sleepless night watching his lover suffer but with that single moment of lethal intent laying between them like a sword, forbidding him to reach out, Kaku was now in the kind of mood in which he used to assassinate particularly annoying targets once upon a time.

"Start with the city and work your way out," said Lucci, indifferent to the temper of a weakling who had the gall at being upset over a near-miss of murder.

"Come on, then. We'll eat breakfast on the way. Leave Hattori here, please. We don't want to stand out, and I don't think they'll let you into the restaurant with a pigeon sitting on your shoulder." Kaku left a scribbled note for Yoshio on the kitchen table; 'taking him for a drive, be back in a few hours' and if Yoshio wasn't there when they returned, that was probably for the best.

The number of cars sweeping by the road past the garage reminded Kaku abruptly that it was Thursday. It seemed an incongruous thought. But yes, it was Thursday, a workday, and he was taking the car, which would leave Yoshio without means of getting to St Xavier. But he doubted his lover would be all that interested in showing up for today's shift. He could call in sick; explain he'd come down with a bad case of his partner's ex showing up and turning out to be a lunatic or a killer or possibly both.

Lucci got into the car in a way that indicated he at least had a clue how to work the door handle, if not a seat belt. Good information gathering skills. Kaku remembered applying the same line of thinking nearly two years ago; it felt like another person entirely.

Kaku drove around the corner and parked abruptly near the curb under a 'No Parking' sign. He stared at the steering wheel until he managed to say, "I did not appreciate that last night. At all."

Kaku knew full well it hadn't been done with his appreciation in mind. It'd been a test. And though killing someone for a test seemed callous to the point of obscene, the two CP9 agents moved in different spheres and to the beat of a war-drum. In that optic, it did not matter that Yoshio was an innocent bystander who couldn't hurt them. If Kaku started to pick and choose which orders to follow, to question who had the right to live or die, well, just where would he stop? What right- what bloody right did he have to say no, please spare him, he's a kind man, he's my friend? And what would he say on his day of reckoning then? He would have to face all his victims, and they'd mostly been innocent, and some had been kind, and they'd all had loved ones, and two years without killing (except once) was never going to erase that.

And of course if he'd held his hand, Lucci might have made an object lesson of killing Yoshio anyway, and just possibly Kaku as well. That had counted too, though Kaku was unwilling to examine how much it had influenced his actions as it added an extra degree of unpleasantness to it all. Yes, he was a survivor, but that wasn't always something that made him proud.

Either way, he really didn't have to tell Lucci what had gone through his mind, because his fellow agent had seen enough to be satisfied. Lucci had always had the gift of interpreting orders creatively, and if he'd had any doubt as to Kaku's mettle, he'd have let him break Yoshio's neck as ultimate proof and then justified it in the report by claiming the victim was a threat by dint of knowing too much or some similar bull. The point Kaku was making now, glaring at the steering wheel, was that obeying an order to kill without question was one thing; bearing the brunt of Lucci's occasional cruel streak was quite another, something that was not done between colleagues who'd long ago established a form of mutual trust and respect, and if Lucci was hoping to bring Kaku back to work with him in any way, shape or form, he would not change his mind about Yoshio's death sentence tomorrow.

"Drive," said Lucci with a dismissive gesture, then looked out the window as Kaku restarted the car. Kaku's mind moved on just as surely and professionally, going over what he could show Lucci in the next two days that would be as concise, informative and in-depth as possible. And then they'd go home, the world he'd longed for, where he belonged, and where there was a place for him, unlike here. No, there really was no place for him here.



TBC...


Next chapter should be out Wednesday, I'm trying to get them all posted before I go back to work.

Link to chapter 10