Naruto one-shot: Love Songs and Ladies
A small, not-at-all serious fic I've had hanging around on my hard drive for ages. I finally brushed it up, what there is of it, and here it is. It's a rambly and completely weird attempt at humour, and my first faint hint of SasuNaru. Very faint.


Rating: PG
Genre: Humour, parody, don't take this seriously, I beg you.
Warning: Tooth-twinging romance and abuse of capitalization.




Title: Love Songs and Ladies





Her name was Minako, which means Beautiful Child.

This was not entirely accurate, but beauty was something that was born from inside, according to her mother. She wasn’t ugly by any stretch, so it was, if anything, a near miss.

She was sixteen, and deep in the throes of a Forbidden Romance. For she was the daughter of a rich and powerful family, and he was a ninja, whose obligation it was to escort her back to her father’s home. Separated by caste and duty, yet brought together by Love; the Lady and the Warrior.

It was all so romantic, that Minako had already fallen in love before she’d actually seen the Shinobi who were going to escort her back home. Minako lived in a border town in the country of Fire, but mainly she lived in a rather fluffy place in her head, which could be partially blamed on her name, and partially blamed on the epic love stories her mother had read to her since she was tiny.

Her ninja guards came to fetch her at her uncle’s house. There were only four of them; not as many as Minako expected to protect the daughter of a very rich and powerful family from the Evil Men who might want her beauty and her fortune. And one of her guards was a girl, who appeared to be her own age at that. Minako wasn’t sure what to make of that, though at the back of her mind she hoped this meant there would be somebody to talk hairdo and boys with on the two-week journey back to her hometown and her father’s house.

Her eyes had fixed themselves on the young dark-haired ninja first, because, well, who wouldn’t? He was her age, yet coolly world-weary; dark, broody and oh definitely handsome. But-

At this point, it might be worth explaining something about Minako. Her mother was a sheltered aristocrat from a minor noble family who read a lot of romances and was the sort of person to call her daughter Beautiful Child. Her father, on the other hand, was a powerful merchant who’d built up his fortune from scratch through many a shrewd deal. Though Minako mostly took after her mother, she had also inherited from her father an edge of practicality which she wasn’t quite aware of, but which acted a bit as a guardrail.

So in the very instant she was about to fall hopelessly in love with one Uchiha Sasuke, a small part of her mind kicked in with some filters which essentially said ‘forget it, girl, not a chance in hell’.

Her gaze skipped over the tall man who was apparently the head ninja, or whatever the most important one was called. The mask was mysterious and intriguing, and he was tall and undoubtedly ravishingly handsome beneath the black cloth, but the grey hair was a bit off-putting; he looked old. And the way he stared at her, the one eye going a bit droopy as if he'd seen something painfully funny, didn't make him look very serious.

And then her gaze fastened on Him. He'd been lagging behind the others, staring open-mouthed at the ornaments and pictures her uncle collected, so she hadn't seen him at first. But now he filled her world. His eyes were the same blue as the sky. His hair was the color of the sun. His smile lit the room and her heart. And her practical side advised her that she might actually have a shot at this one.

She fell in love in one second three hundredths, which is probably fast enough to count as Love at First Sight, unless you're really being picky.

His name was Uzumaki Naruto, she quickly learned. All ninja were dark, deep and mysterious, of course. Naruto would certainly be reticent and reserved with other people. But their love was Foreordained, so he immediately opened up to her. A lot. In fact, they'd barely gone five miles before she knew most of what had happened to him during the last few missions he'd been on. And oh, to be in love with such a man! He'd repeatedly saved his team single-handedly, and defeated his enemy without breaking a sweat! Minako had a horse to ride, as well as two more for her baggage, but she chose to walk by his side all that first day, enchanted by his tales of glory, and got rather footsore at the end.

The next day, she went about finding out those details without which no proper romance could prosper. She shyly asked her question, leaning down towards him; she was on the horse today, as Kakashi-san had politely pointed out this morning that they'd go faster if she wasn't limping.

"My favorite color?" Naruto rubbed his nose and glanced up at her.

"Orange," Sasuke and Sakura - and even Kakashi-san up ahead - said before Naruto could do more than open his mouth again.

"Definitely orange!" Naruto confirmed. "I used to wear it all the time. I can't anymore though. Stupid new regulations-" he started muttering under his breath.

Orange? Minako had expected him to say black. That was what he was wearing now, apart from the green vest. Shinobi always dressed in mysterious and shadow-hugging black, anyway, everybody knew that. He certainly cut a much more dashing figure in black than he would in orange. You couldn't color-coordinate anything in orange.

"Just be glad they let you wear your present outfit, Dead-last," Sasuke said without turning around.

Naruto frowned at him, puzzled. "What do you mean? I didn't have a choice, all Chuunin have to wear this."

"Exactly."

"Oy, bastard, I earned my rank same as you, and I can still kick your lily-white ass from here to-"

Minako hastily stopped listening, as her mother would die if she knew her daughter was being exposed to that kind of language after two years of the best finishing schools. Sasuke, Minako had come to realize, was jealous of all of Naruto's accomplishments and sterling abilities. He was always picking on Naruto, particularly when Minako was being extra nice to her Intended. And then Naruto would shout at him, and Sasuke would sneer back, and Naruto would completely neglect Minako.

It was strange that both Sakura and Kakashi-san felt no need to interfere, and even found some of the, erm, words and terminology funny. In fact, they appeared to be keeping score. Minako had to assume that the two young men wouldn’t actually come to blows. As she waited for Naruto’s attention to return to her, her thoughts drifted off to the contents of her luggage. She was fairly certain, to her great chagrin, that she didn't have an orange dress in her trunks.

Later that night, Naruto had gone on patrol around the camp, Sasuke had gone to fetch some wood for the fire, and Kakashi-san was deeply engrossed in some text he was studying; Minako hoped it was some epic tale of Shinobi romance, and she counted on borrowing it when he was finished. But for now, she had more important things to do. She inched towards Sakura, who was helping her set up Minako's pallet and toiletries, and asked if the girl might have any orange items in her baggage. Even if it was only an orange kerchief that Minako could have, to use as a favor.

Sakura gave her a very blank look. Maybe it had been unfair to ask her. Seeing how she was dressed, the same as Naruto and Sasuke, she probably didn't have much use for orange, or any fashion accessories. Orange would really clash with her hair, too.

"Look, Lady Minako, I think-"

"Minako, please!"

"Erm, very well. I think we should have a little talk."

Sakura glanced off to one side. Minako followed the glance and jumped; Master Kakashi was in the same position as before, relaxed and reading his book, but instead of twenty feet away he was sitting right beside them. She hadn't heard him come over.

Kakashi-san turned a page in his book, but he nodded minutely as Sakura's gaze fell on him.

"Right. Lad- Minako, we sort of noticed that you're getting very...erm..."

"Chummy," Kakashi-san supplied.

"...friendly with Naruto."

Minako squeaked and buried her blushing face in the scented kerchief she carried (it was red, the closest she'd gotten to orange). Sakura looked at her a bit strangely, then glanced at Kakashi-san, who shrugged and buried his nose in his book with the air of someone who didn't want to contribute to this conversation, thank you very much.

Sakura glared at the book, then put her fingertips together and looked at Minako gravely.

"You have to understand a few things. Naruto is a nice guy, and he's friendly with everybody, especially if you pay him attention. That doesn't necessarily mean that he's, well, attracted to...someone."

Minako wasn't sure what Sakura was getting at. Of course Naruto wouldn't be attracted to people he was nice to. He was nice to Sakura and even to Sasuke occasionally, but that didn’t mean anything, beyond the fact that he had a heart of gold. And besides, he was in love with Minako; he wasn’t going to be attracted to anyone else, now, was he?

Sakura gritted her teeth as she stared at Minako. "Okay, never mind. That's a detail. What I really want to say, is that you shouldn't fall for a Shinobi. We're not normal people."

Minako blinked. That was obvious as well. Did Sakura think Minako would fall for somebody ordinary?

"Shinobi are more than soldiers, more than warriors," Sakura said, her eyes suddenly distant and an expression on her face that Minako was way too young to be able to read. "We belong to our village. We are killers of the shadow, defenders of our country, we exist only for that. We spend our lives fighting, and we die that way. The people who love Shinobi have to carry that in their hearts at all times; they will always see their lover leave, and never know if he or she will return."

Kakashi's book had tilted forward, but he hadn't appeared to notice, a remote look in his visible eye.

"Shinobi do not even have the luxury of thinking of those they leave behind to wait for them,” Sakura continued. “They have to kill their hearts and fight only with their duty in mind. They live in the shadow between life and death, and that’s where they fight, to protect their village and their country."

"Protecting the country their loved one lives in," Minako gasped. "Fighting in glorious battles! Oh, that's so romantic!"

"Nggg! No. No, it is not romantic, and it's certainly not glorious. In reality, it's painful, and frightening. It’s actually quite humdrum, most of the time. Even boring. And just when you think you’re getting into a routine and you’re comfortable, it suddenly gets heart-wrenching, confusing and very, very messy. And it often ends in tragedy."

"Actually, Sakura, that could almost be a description of 'romance'."

"...Kakashi-sensei, you are. Not. Helping!"

"Sorry, sorry, you go on."

"Where was I...Look, Minako, even if you fully understood what you were getting into, Naruto's not really available."

Minako's mind was drifting, awed, over images of mighty warriors fighting epic battles with honor and courage, with only a kerchief (preferably orange, red in a pinch) kept against their heart to remind them of the lover from whom they were separated. But Sakura's words brought her back down to earth with a thump.

"What?! Are you saying there's someone Naruto is- is-...interested in?"

"Yes! Well, sort of." Sakura looked like she was fighting with her conscience. "There's certainly someone he's very close to. And there's definitely someone interested in him. Someone you really don't want to cross, actually."

A Rival!

"Is she pretty?"

Sakura looked like the question had caught her short. "Erm, well...pretty isn't quite the right word."

"Really?" Kakashi-san murmured from behind his book. "I'd say 'pretty' works quite well."

"Shut up, Sensei. What you have to understand, Minako, is that this person really, really likes Naruto, even if- that person won't admit it or act like it. And Naruto cares deeply about- this person, even if he's too dumb to realize what his real feelings are," Sakura continued in the tone of voice of one who will not abide any further interruptions. "But they'll get it eventually. And that's good, because they've been through a lot together, they understand each other better than anybody else does, even other Shinobi, and-"

Sakura interrupted herself and started arranging Minako's pallet as Sasuke appeared as if by magic near the campfire. He was carrying an impressive armload of branches, which he dropped with a crash onto a fast-growing pile. He swept a dark, unreadable glare over the three people in the clearing and turned to leave. There had been a lot of noise off in that direction before he'd appeared; as if a team of lumberjacks were having at the forest, which the small reasonable part of Minako thought rather strange, though it wasn't having much luck warning the larger, fluffier part of Minako about it.

"Sasuke," Kakashi-san murmured without looking up from the book he was studying. "That's probably enough wood."

Sasuke paused as he was heading out. "I'll get a few more logs. Wouldn't want her ladyship to get cold tonight when she goes to bed alone, without anyone near her."

"Carry on then," Kakashi-san sighed. Sasuke disappeared as silently as a ghost. He seemed rather broody tonight, well, more than usual. Minako wondered why he was in such a bad mood, when it had been such a beautiful day today; the birds had been singing, the sun shining, and Minako had gotten off her horse to hold Naruto's hands until the darling boy had gotten shy and broken away. And then he and Sasuke had had such a spectacular fight, maybe that was why Sasuke was- oh, but wait a minute...

Sakura straightened up again, glancing at the night which had engulfed the young man.

"Right, where was I- Lady Minako?"

Minako's hands had settled like doves over her heart, her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh, I'm so sorry! I hadn't realized!"

"Ah." Sakura fingered her short, pink locks and looked away, in the direction Sasuke had left. "I guess it's sort of obvious now, right?"

"I hadn't even noticed - the way Sasuke always picked a fight with Naruto, especially if I'm talking with him. His attitude this afternoon. The-" she sniffled "-the woodpile and- Oh." She sniffled again.

"Look, don't worry about it-"

"Don't worry about it?" Minako sniffled. "But it's so tragic!"

"...Tragic?"

"That he's in love with me too! To think that I've given my heart to Naruto, his best friend- oh- no wonder he's been a bit mean to me these last two days, he's fighting his own heart! He-"

Minako would have elaborated, but Sakura made a very strange and rather unladylike sound deep in her throat and then swung towards Kakashi-san, who appeared to be trying to hide his entire face behind his small book.

"Sir, I think Sasuke needs some help bringing in that wood."

Kakashi-san prudently glanced over the edge of his book. "...If you think so. Please don't destroy the entire forest, it does provide some cover from bandits and such."

"I'll keep that in mind. Sir."

Sakura stomped off. Soon, there was even more noise coming from that side of the forest, the sound of wood being subjected to considerable stress.

Kakashi-san glanced in that direction and sighed. Then he turned to Minako.

"Lady Minako-"

"Minako, please!"

The masked Shinobi looked at her steadily, and even deep in the fluffy side of Minako's mind, a slight prickle of alarm blossomed; Master Kakashi suddenly didn't look mysterious or funny or anything but very serious and even a bit scary.

"Lady Minako," Kakashi-san murmured, "I don't want-"

But then Naruto came back from his patrol, scratching his head and looking back with adorable confusion in the direction of the noise.

"Sensei, do you know why Sasuke and Sakura-chan are practicing Taijutsu on trees over there? Did you give them extra training? Can I have some too?"

Later, Kakashi-san and Sakura said some more boring things about Naruto and Minako and why their Love was Impossible (of course it was Impossible, it was Forbidden; that didn't mean it wasn't going to happen). They even got rather insulting about dear Naruto's intelligence, but by then Minako had stopped listening to anything they had to say.





---





Four days later, things had shaped up into a classic epic of Love. Oh, there were some other events too, odd disturbances along the way; moments when Minako was left all alone with a suddenly tense and armed Sakura while the three men disappeared into the trees, and strange noises could be heard very far away. Minako wasn't sure what that was about, but it really didn't matter, because what mattered was the Tragic Love Triangle shaping in their midst.

Naruto was still madly in love with Minako, always ready to smile at her and give her a kind word. He didn't walk with her as often now; maybe he was starting to feel the hearbreak looming, as the end of their journey loomed slowly nearer. Kakashi-san was sending him to patrol the road up ahead more and more frequently, as well. But whenever he returned, he'd give Minako a wide grin, and assure her with his eyes that he was keeping her safe.

Sasuke was still in the throes of pain, much to Minako's honest sorrow; she didn't like to see anybody suffer for Love after all. He was getting even more dark and broody. Naruto was obviously torn between his love for Minako and his friendship for Sasuke; he’d walk next to Sasuke with a worried look on his face, then he'd try to cheer the young man up. This normally led to a fight. Minako had learned to blot out those episodes; she spent them dreamily remembering some of her favorite passages from her mother's novels, with herself and her love cast in the central roles.

Sakura and Master Kakashi had apparently given up their attempts to keep the lovers apart. Minako was hoping that Sakura would come around and be her friend eventually. If nothing else, Minako was dying to talk about her love with someone, and Sakura was really the only candidate within miles.

On the evening of the seventh day, after they'd made camp, Kakashi-san and Sakura spent some time talking in low voices on the other side of the fire. Finally, Kakashi-san leaned back against a fallen tree trunk.

"It's quiet tonight," he commented. "I know, let's have a sing-along."

Sasuke froze with a rice bun halfway to his mouth. "A sing-along?" he said, as if he'd spotted a rat.

"Yeah, why not?" Kakashi-san's single eye was an enthusiastic crescent. "I know, how about a love song."

"A love song?" Sasuke repeated, as if he'd spotted a dead rat in his breakfast cereal.

"Yes, let's sing 'Blue Silk'!" Sakura told him with a winsome smile (and a bit of a glint in her eyes which puzzled Minako).

Sasuke's mouth was open, but this time he didn't object. His face had gone remarkably blank and his eyes twitched towards Minako.

"Fine," he muttered, and took an uninterested bite out of his bun.

"How lovely!" Minako exclaimed, turning towards Naruto. "Will you sing as well?"

"Me? Nah, I can’t sing." He was so modest. She was sure he could sing like an angel.

"Sure you can," Sasuke assured him around a mouthful. "You sound like a toad going through a blender, but you can sing."

"We can’t all have girly voices like you, man. Say, when you do think your stones are finally gonna drop? How old are you again?"

Minako groaned internally at the ensuing shoving match (the mention of ‘stones’ went completely over her head). It looked like they weren't going to do anything nice this evening after all. Just as she was about to despair, though, Kakashi-san stopped the fight by throwing a couple of metal stars which plunked into the ground an inch from Naruto and Sasuke. Minako squeaked, but the two boys fell apart without any hint of surprise and took up their meal again as if nothing had happened. Kakashi-san cleared his throat and started singing.

His voice wasn’t unpleasant, though it was a bit nasal and obviously untutored. Minako was surprised, she’d assumed ninja could do everything well, including sing like the professionals her father hired for parties.

Two years on the border,
And I missed you so
Two years on the border,
And I missed you so
The desire took me to see you again
I left for our country
Deserting my duty

Naruto had drawn a couple of those pointy knife things and was clinking the round handles together. The tempo was unexpectedly quick and percussive for a love song, and the rhyme sounded crude and simple to Minako's educated ears. It sounded a bit like those songs her father’s soldiers sang when she wasn’t supposed to be listening, but the words of this ballad were pretty much what she expected, so she inched closer to Naruto and listened raptly.

They caught me near the walls,
And I was cast in jail
They caught me near the walls,
And I was cast in jail...

Minako's eyes misted over as the song described the despair of the soldier, bound before he could even see the beautiful brunette for whom he'd deserted his post.

At the end of the verse, Kakashi-san cocked his head slightly in Sakura's direction and the girl took up the tune, her voice sweet, though slightly off-pitch.

Love, I heard you calling
I’m coming to free you
Love, I heard you calling
I’m coming to free you
I'll speak to your captain, your Lord,
To the men of your country
And beg them for mercy

Kakashi-san picked up the tune again. In his measured voice, he explained that no true Lord would be moved by pleas. And now that he'd seen his love once more, he was ready to face the charges and the responsibility of his deserted post. Softly he concluded:

I'll pass before the war council
And then tomorrow I will die

Minako started to sniffle, as she waited for Sakura to sing more pleas, words that would bend even the heart of the meanies on that 'war council'. Instead, Kakashi-san glanced at Sasuke, who took up the tune without lifting his head. His voice was very pure, it seemed to still the night around them as he sang at a slower, more solemn tempo to what had come before, the rhyme falling differently. Naruto had stopped his accompaniment, leaving only the haunting notes.

My comrade will be the one to kill me
My comrade will be the one to kill me
With blue silk he'll bind my eyes
With little pain he'll have me die

Silence.

“That was so cool!” Naruto shouted, shattering the breathless hush.

“My mom used to sing that for me when I was little,” Sakura said with a smile.

Kakashi-san leaned back and sighed, his single visible eye suspiciously misty. “Ahh, what a romantic song.”

“Romantic?!” Minako squeaked.

"Why yes," Sakura assured her sweetly. “Shinobi have a lot of romantic songs in our tradition; they make those long nights on missions and patrols go by faster, when we're away from our loved ones for months on end."

"Let's sing 'Aiko's Heart'," Sasuke suggested with a sudden enthusiasm that even Minako noted as being rather out of character.

"Good idea!" Kakashi-san exclaimed, his eye crinkling with pleasure at seeing the normally taciturn young man getting into the spirit of the evening.

So they sang the ballad of Aiko, who cut out her heart rather than become a hostage to be used against her Shinobi lover.

They continued with the chant of the doomed lovers on the eve of their last battle.

Then Sasuke carried alone the beautiful, simple tune of 'The Chuunin Assassin', ordered to torture and kill his lover; the song ended with his wish for his own death, after he'd cut off her fingers and brought back her heart as proof of the deed. Kakashi-san and Sakura hummed the accompaniment.

They sang the 'Lament of the White Doe', about a woman stuck in the transformed state of a white doe by a hostile jutsu. Hunted by her unsuspecting brother and his friends, she was caught, killed, butchered and eaten just before the jutsu could wear off. Sakura's sweet voice gave full justice to the final stanza where the ghostly doe revealed her identity to the hunters, causing her brother to go mad with grief.

Halfway through ‘The Tune of The Tormented Swain’, Minako burst into tears and ran off into the woods. Naruto trailed after her, his loud voice fortunately obliterating the verse that described exactly what the enemy did to the swain to get him to betray the location of his lover and her unit (for those who want to know, it involved lye, a red hot poker and a spoon).

“What’s the matter with her? Damn, I better go make sure she doesn't stumble into one of our perimeter traps. Right guys? Guys? Why are you all high-fiving? Guys?”



Owari



Side note: 'Blue Silk' is adapted from a very, very old French song, 'Le Déserteur'. It really does end exactly like that. 'The Chuunin Assassin' and 'The Lament of the White Doe' are also based on real songs, only marginally changed to fit the world of Shinobi. These songs were once sung for family entertainment, at a time when death, war, plague and having to kill people was pretty much part of regular everyday life. People could relate to such things, and it kept the children amused.